I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
