I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
