need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
