I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
