at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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