dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
