Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
