Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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