I'm going to jail i love you
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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