I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
