he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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