oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
