do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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