so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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