i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
