I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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