I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
