let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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