I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
