just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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