Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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