Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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