You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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