It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
