wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize