Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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