so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
