the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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