i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
