Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
