Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
