return my video game
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
