my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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