I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
