sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
