Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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