Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
