Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
