my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
