I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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