i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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