I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
