If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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