I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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