did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
