have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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