How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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