You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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