The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
