I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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