those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
