i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
