Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
