I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
