We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
