I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
