Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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