don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Help. Why am I so naked?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
