She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
