in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
farters have to be the big spoon...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
