I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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