trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
