i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We left the knife in your bed.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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