the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
