I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
