i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there's paper in my vomit.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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