Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
