Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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