yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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