I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
