Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
