Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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