there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize