Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
