those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
