i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ketchup is God's man juice
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize