haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This house was built for laser tag.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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