We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
