I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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