pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
