fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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