Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
