Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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