If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
