Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
