um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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