I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
