i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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