There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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