He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
