I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
