Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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