he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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