The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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