proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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