Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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