I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
