You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
