I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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