Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
