I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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